Ten Reasons Classical Music is Better than Heavy Metal

The triumphal scene from Aida. Where's Eddie?

1. Gustav Mahler doesn't need amplification to shake a building.
   
2. Heavy metal bands sometimes open their shows with classical music. But orchestras never open their concerts with heavy metal.
   
3. There aren't any "unfinished" metal albums for us critic types to speculate about.
   
4. Tanglewood has better concessions than Ozzfest.
   
   
5. A band records an album once, as opposed to an orchestra recording the same symphony three times over three decades with the same conductor. Wait. Maybe that's not a reason.
   
6. Orchestras are often asked to play with metal bands, but it's never the other way around.
   
7. Wagner's Ring has more murders, mutilations, suicides, and wild, incestuous sex than any Danzig album. Even the first one.
   
8. There is no crowd-surfing, slam-dancing or moshing at the opera.
   
9. The Trans-Siberian Orchestra is neither trans, nor Siberian, nor an orchestra.
   
10. The Berlin Philharmonic never released an album with an all-black cover and nothing on it.
    

If you enjoyed this, check out Ten Reasons Heavy Metal is better than Classical Music at my other blog, Superconductor.